Life and Death

Death is a part of life, so it is said.
Adults have a difficult time dealing with the loss of a loved one. I can’t imagine how a child deals with such a loss.

My eight year old nephew, Brandon, is as close to a son as one can get. He’s a charming, compassionate, loving boy. For the past three months my sister has worried about how to tell him his grandfather is going to die.

His grandfather has been a very positive force in his life. His father is not active in his life at all.

From the day Brandon was born, his grandfather has been like a father to him. Playing catch for hours, letting him help mow the lawn, building Lego sets together, watching every episode of Sponge Bob, The Wiggles, Bob the Builder , etc.

As a mom, my sister wants to protect him from the pain and sadness of the impending death. Time is drawing close as we feel his time left is approximately one to two weeks.

Each time Brandon visits with his grandfather he asks to come by my house to talk. Friday night he came in and was sobbing. He realized just how sick his Papa is and knows he is going to die. He is very brave and tried to fight the tears. My sister and I told him it’s ok to cry and let his emotions out. We talked for a while about his Papa, all the good memories he has with him and how special he is to him.

Then he asked about the wake and funeral. He asked if he would be allowed to attend. My sister has been very hesitant on this. She does not want him traumatized, yet she knows it is not something she can ever re-do if she does not let him decide for himself.

I have talked with her numerous times, telling her it needs to be Brandon’s decision. I feel if we talk with him, let him know what to expect and all that will happen, he will not be so afraid.

We were out for the day on Saturday to shop for birthday gifts and run a few errands. On our way to the mall we talked a little bit. His biggest fear at the moment is letting others see him cry. I told him he could wear a pair of sunglasses. That way, no one would see his eyes and he would be free to cry when he wants. Then I thought for a moment. I asked him

“Brandon, when someone says something funny, are you embarrassed to laugh?”

“No”

“If someone says something mean, are you embarrassed to be angry?”

“No”

“Well being sad is another emotion, just like happy and angry. There is no need to be embarrassed to cry. It means you have a heart and you care.”

“Are you gonna cry?”

“Yes of course. Your Papa is a great man and I will miss him. I will be with you the whole time and if you need to talk, I’m here. If you need to cry, I’m here.”

We headed into the mall and walked around a few stores.
We went to Macy’s looked around the cosmetic counter while his mother went off to browse, Oh the fun we had with all those samples. We laughed, sprayed each other with all the sample bottles of perfume and got looks of dismay from the “proper” ladies working the counter there.

I know , immature and foolish but sometimes you just have to break the rules. To see this little boy smile from ear to ear and laugh from deep in his belly was worth all the glaring looks from the cosmetic ladies. We left laughing and smelling quite loud.

All the way home he kept asking me to smell him while he smiled as if we had this little secret.

Random Thoughts

A few thoughts that have been running through my mind.


It’s a great country we live in. I am dead ass serious. Imagine having your morning coffee, glancing through the newspaper. Ah, it just doesn’t get better than this.

Be careful before bringing charges against someone for assault. Even more so if he is a well known sports figure. You see court documents become a matter of public record. Yes, I know surprise, surprise.

It’s only fun til someone gets hurt, then it’s friggin hilarious.

It seems a woman (whom I won’t name, look it up, it’s a matter of public record) and a man ( again, well known sports figure) decided to add a few toys to a night of sexual fun.
The woman presented a pair of handcuffs which were a bit snug and hurt her wrists. She asked him to cover her medical expenses, he refused. She threatened to go public and sue him for assault. Now here is where it gets fun.

The woman has a friend in the media industry, the story broke and now the world knows their little kinky secrets.

Now, on to drivers!!!

I am not patient behind the wheel. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at road rage level and I know, I don’t own the road.. but come on. Is it really necessary to cut me off and then drop to 20 mph in front of me? I’m going along at a nice clip and there you are. You either are looking for me to hit you or you really are that stupid. I wonder if there is a stupidity clause on your insurance.

To those of you who are timid on the road. Please do yourself and fellow drivers a favor, Buy a bus pass!! If you are on a two lane road and there are construction vehicles PASS THEM!!! Don’t be afraid of the front loader. He is pulled into the breakdown lane for a reason. He expects you to pass him. Do we really need to crawl behind him at 5 mph, uphill???

There, now I feel amused.

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She wants to start dating !!!

I knew this day would come. I even planned to be excited for her. Now that it’s here, I just want to lock her in the closet, hit her with an ugly stick and tell her to wait until she is forty.

My daughter is fourteen. She will turn fifteen at the end of this month. When she first showed interest in boys two years ago she asked when she would be allowed to date.
I told her at sixteen I would give her my blessing and lock her father and her nineteen year old cousin, who is more like a brother, in the basement when a boy came to see her. You see, they both thought it would be cool to scare any boy who shows up to date her.

My daughter is an avid hockey fan and can hold her own with stats, players, games and such with anyone. This seems to be a common ground for her and several of her male friends from school. Two weeks ago she came to me and said

“Mom, there is this boy that likes me. I like him as a friend but he keeps telling me he likes me.”

“That is very flattering. Have you told him you wish to be only friends?”

“Yes but he keeps asking if he has a chance.”

“Just keep telling him the truth.”

Last week she informs me of another boy she talks hockey with.

“Mom, So and So wants to know if I can go ice skating with him next Friday. Can I go?”

“Yes. I don’t mind you hanging out, going skating with friends.”

“Mom, I really like him.”

“I am glad for you. How old is he?”

“Seventeen.”

So now I am thinking back to when I was her age. There was a nineteen year old that asked me to go to the movies, skating and bowling. I of course had to sneak because we were not allowed to even talk to boys until we were sixteen. I think of how lucky I am that my daughter is very open with me. She comes to me with her friends problems as well as hers. We don’t lie to each other and she knows that I do not judge.

I agreed to let her go skating but with a few rules in place. I will drive her and pick her up.
“Why can’t he drive me? He has a license and Bobby (her nineteen year old cousin) knows him.”

“I don’t care who knows him. You are too young for car dating. He is a new driver and I am not letting you just get into a car with someone I don’t know.”

“If you meet him, then can he drive me?”

“No. Meeting him has nothing to do with it.”

“When I’m fifteen and a half can I?”

“No. Listen, I agreed to let you go. Don’t push it.”

Sunday she asks if he can come for New Years Eve. I told her sure. Next

“Mom, remember the other boy that likes me. I feel bad because he has nothing to do for New Years. Can he come over too?”

“Sure.”

Now I’m thinking “how do I break this to her father???”

Two boys are going to show up at the house and I have not told him a thing.

Thankfully, we had a house full of people and he didn’t have a chance to frighten them.
The boys were very polite and both seem to like my daughter. It will be a shame to have to threaten them once the dating starts. Not to worry, I won’t actually harm them.. I won’t have to. Her father and cousin plan on shadowing her each and every time a boy wants to “hang” out with her. Of course, I won’t allow it. I’ll just have to sneak her out of the house and then shadow her myself.

All joking aside. I am pretty lucky. I have, from day one, been open and honest with her. I’ve tried to always allow her to think for herself, respect herself first and never let anyone talk her into something she does not want. As she grows I am able to see she is growing into a wonderful young woman. She is kind, caring, and considerate yet she takes no shit from anyone. I think she will do just fine. God help the first person who breaks her heart.