Best Christmas Gift

Thursday night I had a date with an eight year old boy. My nephew had asked me to take him to a reading of The Polar Express at the local Starbucks. Of course I couldn't refuse such a request. When the story was done he wandered around the shop, looking at the decorations and such. When he returned, he handed me a small coffee cup and said

"Look inside"

I opened it to find a $5.oo gift card inside. I wanted to cry but didn't. I would never embarrass him in front of the other children. This gesture was so kind and unselfish it blew me away. When I said "Brandon, this is the best gift I have ever received." he told me

" I figured you deserve it. You always do things with me and I didn't know what else to buy with my money so I bought that for you. It doesn't expire so you can use it next year too."

When a child does something from the heart it melts me. Even now, every time I think I think of this and remember the look on his face while his hands were in his pockets, I have tears in my eyes.. good tears.

I hope you all have a similar reason to smile while you enjoy your friends and family this holiday.

The Curse may have lifted but...

The baseball Gods sure have a warped sense of humor.

After waiting 86 ulcer inducing years, the Red Sox provided fans FINALLY with a World Series in 2004. The game winning ball became a major controversy over who had the rights to it.

Fans didn't care too much, we had a WIN .. who cares about a piece of history in the H.O.F. (hall of fame)?

Fast forward three years:

Again, our beloved boys of summer gave us one hell of a season and topped it with an amazing win of yet another World Series. Our closer, not only provided an awesome display every time he took the mound, with that "deadpan stare" of his.. no sirree..after clinching the division he danced on the field in his skivies.. not too bad a sight I might add. Again, after winning the World Series, he danced a jig. All through the rolling rally held on the streets of Boston, this man danced his ass off while donning a kilt, his own personal band "The Drop Kick Murphy's" on the float with him, providing the music.

Now, there has been question as to the whereabouts of the game winning ball. Jason Varitek made sure to hang onto it so he could give it to the man who threw the last strike across the plate. There were rumors that Pap lost it or Tek lost it..and such.

Today, on Fox Sports, the truth is revealed. Now, I am a HUGE fan of baseball. I NEVER gave up on the team, not even down 0-3 back in 04 when all others lost hope .. nope.. I am a true , nail biting, gut wrenching, ulcer victim FAN. So in being this kind of fan, I give myself permission to laugh..shake my head and say .. "That's Awesome"

You see, we won two World Series in my lifetime. The game winning ball being chewed by the closer's dog is just funny.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/7588092?MSNHPHCP&GT1=10734

For some reason, I can't be sad. I find this beyond humorous.

Murphy's Law

There is a saying.. whatever can go wrong..will go wrong.

My sister and I have a long history of getting lost. No matter where we go or how many times we have been somewhere, we end up lost. Neither of us has this problem when we are alone, it only happens when we set off to do something together.

Why would today be any different? We once spent fifteen minutes trying to find a way out of a parking lot! Laugh, go on, I do.

We made plans with my niece, a friend and our children to go to a farm in New Hampshire and enjoy the magic of Christmas in the woods. Our appointment was for eleven o'clock. The farm is a forty five minute drive.

Sister: We should leave at 10:15

Me: We should leave at 9:30 to allow time to get lost

Sister: Very funny. I have a GPS smartass. We won't get lost this time.

( Global Positioning System )

Me: Like I said, we should leave at 9:30 to allow time to get lost

We took two vehicles. I was in the car behind her. I had hope. We were in the town where the farm was. She pulled into a parking lot of a coffee shop and let me know she made one wrong turn. Not too bad, we just had to get back on the highway and continue to our destination.

It would have been fine had she not told the GPS that she was not taking the turn he suggested.

Now, the ride home was much more of an adventure. You see this time we were in the same vehicle. She put in the address of our destination to return home. This GPS would send us the most direct route there. YEAH RIGHT!

We left the farm , travelled some winding roads when the lovely British voice of Jason the GPS guy said "recalculating route" this signifies that the vehicle has veered from his instructions or we were no longer headed in the direction he suggested. We laughed, Jason recalculated and continued to tell us to " go 1/4 mile and turn right. Go 5oo feet and turn left. Travel 9/10ths of a mile and bear right."

Again, we heard " recalculating route".. My sister laughed and said " I didn't hear what he said. Don't worry, it will recalculate the route and send us from where we are."

I'm thinking it's a good thing we filled the fuel tank.

A half an hour later, we are on a road and Jason said " go 1/4 mile and turn right"

We are now at the end of a road. Ahead of us is a mountain trail, on the right and on the left are the woods. I had to get out of the car to catch my breathe from laughing so hard. You see, my sister had manged to get Jason, the GPS guy LOST!!!

Tis the Season

Have you ever noticed when things in your life are going very well that you kind of forget things can change in an instant?

Have you ever been so content, you forget what it feels like to worry?

Our lives run in circles. We all have up and down times. I think the down times are provided simply to suck us back into reality. It does not matter whether you are in an up or down time. What is important is to always be thankful for what you have been blessed with. Sure, it’s easy to slip into a funk, a self pity party. It takes more effort and strength to see beyond any crisis or tragedy life has thrust upon you.

This year, it will be difficult to get into the spirit of the holidays for several reasons.

I know for sure it is the last Christmas for an extended family member who will be taken much too young.

A family member who has beaten cancer two times already is once again battling another , more aggressive form.

A sibling has been displaced yet again after giving so much to help someone out.

A very young family member will have to cope with the loss of a father figure.

I suspect another family member has begun to use drugs.

Among all the day to day things that come up, I force myself to look beyond these things. I am blessed in many ways and try to focus on what is good.

What I will draw from are the following.

It is the first Christmas for a niece and great nephew
I have several young nephews who bring much joy to me
My daughter shows me each day what a beautiful person she is
I’ve been fortunate in many ways and have endless reasons to be thankful.
I have my health, my family and friends.

If you find your life in a downward motion, I hope you are able to draw from the good to help get you through.

Holiday Spirit

With the holiday season upon us I thought it would be fun to talk about the things that give us the holiday spirit. I know sometimes I find it hard to get into the “magic” of it all when there are so many things going on in life. I pride myself on making sure I am thankful each day for all that I am fortunate to have.

Over the years I have found pleasure in giving. I don’t mean just gifts to family and friends. I love the feeling of helping others and doing it anonymously. I feel good each time I am able to give back a little.

I’ve given great thought to many different ways a person can give without having to have a lot of spare change or countless hours to donate.

The following is just a small list of ways you can contribute. Some I have done and continue to do. Others are things done by friends of mine. Each little thing helps those who have little to be thankful for. Along the way, you may find yourself feeling pretty good about yourself.

Sponsor a family in need:

If you are not wealthy enough to do this on your own, get a few friends or co-workers to pitch in. You can visit a local shelter or family crisis center to let them know you want to provide for a family this holiday. Many have waiting lists of families in need of basic items such as coats, boots, hats, mittens and select few toys to place under their trees.
This is done anonymously and you can feel good Christmas morning while you are with your family, knowing another family will have a better day because of you.


Food Pantry:

Food pantries need donations all year. Often times people are more into giving during the holiday season. When you go to the market for your groceries, pick up a few extra, inexpensive items and bring them to the food pantry. Keep in mind, children love snacks and don’t often get to have the expensive treats.

Volunteer :

There are many services in need of your time. You can spare an hour or so once a week or month. Read to sick children in the hospital. Visit a local nursing home, sit and listen to the residents. Many of them go weeks without a familiar face and crave the company of someone to talk to.
If you have children, have them make crafts to bring to the nursing home.



Remember those who protect you:

Your local police and fire stations. They work day and night. They are the ones who will put their lives on the line for you everyday of the year. Bake an extra batch of cookies and bring them down to the station.


Support your troops:

Whether your against the war or not. These people fight for your freedom.
Holidays are the toughest on them. Call your local military office and find out what is
requested. Sometimes it’s as simple as a local newspaper, favorite candy or gum, toiletries and such.


Fundraiser:
There are millions of charities for millions of great causes. Fundraising is easy and it brings a lot of revenue for them. Donate unwanted items. Often times an event will hold a raffle. We all have items that were given to us as a gift that we will never use. It’s probably still packaged in the attic or basement. Contact the local office of any charity and they will let you know of any upcoming events and what type of items they are looking for.


Salvation Army Kettle Drive:

This organization provides invaluable services to so many families in need. They vary from drug abuse rehab to families forced out of their homes due to fires. Ring a bell for an hour outside a local store. It costs nothing but your time.

Remember, it does not matter how much you give. What matters is the help you provide to those down on their luck.

Where ever you are in this world , I wish you all a Healthy, Happy Holiday Season.

Media.. gotta love the Media

I've mentioned in previous posts my love (read with much sarcasm) of the media. They twist and bend the facts or just get it wrong all together. Sending things to print without as much as a regard to whom it may affect.



I can laugh because I'm a nobody in the world.. the errors and mistruths printed affect me not. Other than provide me with a good laugh and a keepsake of misinformation.

Today, I received a call from my husband. He wanted to know when I changed jobs and began taking classes at the university? It seems a co-worker saw my name and gave him a copy of a newspaper.


A few weeks ago, I attended a play with my sister and daughter. We were interviewed and asked questions about the relevence of the play ..I was quoted and my name was printed in bold type. Under my name, they list me as working for the university and attending class there.

A minor error.. but think if it were bigger.. If I were
someone of importance.



I continue to shake my head and read what some consider fit for print.. only I take it in stride.
Don't always believe everything you read.

Oh NO!! He has a C-O-L-D

Why is it that a man who has broken his wrist several times, sliced open his leg on numerous occassions, fallen from high places , nearly electrocuted himself, been hit on the thumb with a sledgehammer, becomes such a whiner when he has a cold??

They say women are the weaker sex. HUH!

Today I received a call at work.

"Hedow. Will you make me tum chicken dewp? I have a duffy node."
At this point, I can't help but laugh. He sounds pathetic. Reduced to sounding like a two year old because he has the sniffles.

Mind you, it's two days before Thanksgiving and the market will be like the annual bridal sale at Filene's basement. For those of you unfamiliar with this concept. Picture a million women gathered at the entrance to the biggest and best sale EVER for their dream wedding gown.

So needless to say I braved the store, picked up all that was needed to make the "dewp"

Now I sit here after cleaning up and wonder WTF?

I had to deal with a ruptured appendix, being gutted like a fish and come home to a nine month old whom I couldn't lift due to the staples and stitches. Where was he.. Oh.. he was on a bowling league. " Where ya going HON?"

"Tonight is Wednesday. I'm going bowling."

"But the baby is sick, I can't lift her and I am not feeling well."

"Sorry HON. I missed last week. I can't miss again this week. My team needs me. Don't worry, I won't be late and I'll put the baby to bed."

And he wanted "dewp" cause he had a "duffy node"

Weaker sex my ass...

Thanksgiving Blessing

My wish to you on Thanksgiving Day

May your home be filled with laughter
Your heart filled with love
your mind filled with kind memories
of those watching from above

Veteran's Day

Today is November 11th

Today and everyday, I say thank you to all who serve. Past, present and future.

To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country's service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nation.

Living Wills

Thirsty Thursdays provide some great insight into life's "what ifs"

Tonight's topic was what we wish to happen when our life hits the brakes. I find it interesting that each of us has different views as to what we want for our afterlife or our journey into the hereafter.

My daughter, who is just shy of fifteen and is usually freaked out when we talk about death, announced that she has a will. If she should die, she has made a list of how to divide her estate ( which consists of guitars, books, an absurd amount of cd's , clothing, sports memorabilia etc.)

In the event that she becomes brain injured, her request is simple. She is NEVER to be unplugged.

I am to play her favorite cd, 24 hours a day, make sure a hockey game is on the television at all times and be sure I take her ( hospital bed and all) to any concert locally.

In the event of her death, I am to bury her cd's with her, she has clothing selected for her afterlife and she has listed which of her family and friends will receive the remainder of her belongings.

My niece wishes to be buried NAKED!!!.. now that gives a whole new meaning to a "Viewing"

I've been to some weird Irish wakes..but I'm willing to bet, this will top the weirdest of weird. I will see to it (if I am still here) that her wish is carried out. I can't wait to see the looks on the faces of our older relatives.

My sister ( the nothing sacred, baby of this clan) has a simple wish as well. She would like to be buried with a smile on her face and big blue implanted in place. Again, should I outlive these two, I will make it my personal (he he) mission to see that their wishes are carried out.

I can only imagine the trip to the funeral home to make the arrangements. For my niece, I will bring nothing for personal effects. I wonder if the Doherty boys have ever had such a request?

For my sister, well, I am sure, after I leave, they will have a good laugh.. after all, morticians are people too.. and they are some very handsome boys as well.. if the spirit still lives after we die, I am sure it won't be too hard to get that smile on her face once one of the Doherty boys plants her personal effects.

For me, I want to take a few items. A full bottle of whiskey, a pack of cigarettes, a cd of the Drop Kick Murphy's and my Red Sox shirt. I don't want tears, I want laughter because I'll be laughing from beyond.

Dinner, Conversation and Mother Shows Interest in Sex Toys

Have you ever wished you could shower your brain?I have a very vivid imagination and when someone says something a movie plays in my mind.

Sometimes it's amusing, others.. not so much.

Each Thursday my sisters and parents get together at my house for dinner and cocktails. It's never boring nor is it civil. The conversation can go from potatoes to masturbation in one fell swoop.

Tonight we were talking about many things and the conversation turned to cysts and such ailments. My niece arrived late and was eating dinner, the poor thing. We were discussing the fact that my mother trys to diagnose herself before going to the doctor. Somehow we started talking about cysts and mother pipes in with " I have cysts everywhere. I'm loaded in places you couldn't imagine. As a matter of fact I grow things everywhere."

I couldn't resist " Have you grown a penis yet Mom?"

The following is the conversation while poor Caryn tried not to choke on her dinner.

Mother: whispers " No but if I did I'd have sex with myself"

So of course my sister, niece and I look at each other and laugh

Me: You know Mom, there are toys we could get you.

Mother: That would be fun

Sister: Ew.. I don't want that image in my head..stop , stop STOP (she has a mind like mine and at this point a movie has begun to play in her head )

This from the one who asked mother if she ever participated in oral sex !!!!!

Mind you this woman is 67 years old. Raised Irish Catholic and never , ever discussed sex with us, never mind masturbation. Now, she kind of chuckles at the thought of a battery operated bed mate.. Goes to prove you're never to old to find the pleasures of life..

Media Frenzy

The echo of the crowd hasn't even silenced yet and already the local media has started the rumor mills. I suppose a sports town such as Boston will always provide these people with something to write (using this term freely.. more like creative writing) about. They are the reason Curt started his own blog (38pitches.com). He too was tired of words being twisted and stretched more than a rubber band.

Let's for a minute consider Manny Ramirez. He is a private kind of guy. He shows up every game, does his job (does it well I might add), provides the fans with entertainment and then goes home to his family. The media does not like this one bit. So what if he doesn't grant interviews. When you are done in your day job, do you want to continue hashing it out with a bunch of hacks with a press pass? Never mind that he still has another year on his contract but they are already starting to speculate on what's going to happen. Why don't we just enjoy the feeling of just having won another world series and focus on signing those whose contracts are up this year. That would be too easy.

Jim Rice is a perfect example of just how the media can bite you in the ass. Here is a guy that oozes class. He played and earned his right in the HOF (hall of fame), yet each year when the voting takes place , somehow he is shy just a few votes which would grant him his due. Jim was not a media friendly guy either..

Now, this being a contract year for a few players in major league, the media has a cornucopia of things to work with. Mike Lowell, World Series MVP. Our beloved third baseman. If you read the papers, listen to the sports talkshows on the radio, they will have you tearing your hair out.

It seems they think that the Red Sox will not sign Lowell and opt for A-Rod ( whom I call Assrod) instead. Listen up, Nevah Gonna Happen. Give Theo Epstein a little credit please.

I personally will become a Cubs fan if A-Rod were to ever don a Red Sox uniform and those who know me, know that's huge.

My advice to you who have suffered and bit off all of your nails until 04, remember the brilliant words of Joe Torre ( a class act). " The media has been known to be wrong once or twice."

Don't believe all you read and don't get sucked into the columns written by sports guru wannabes. This isn't Dan Duquette's job to screw up anymore.. we have Theo at the helm and he has made some brilliant aquisitions.

That is it for my rant....

Random Acts of Kindness

My sister, whom I've named Miss Numb in a previous post, was the recipient of an act of kindness from a stranger. It may not sound like such a big deal but in today's world , with all the anger and hate that we are subjected to with each page in the newspaper, stories like this restore my faith in humanity.

Miss Numb travels a toll road to work. Friday morning when she got to the booth, the lady told her she was all set. My sister was confused. The toll worker told her the lady in the car ahead of her had paid the toll for my sister. All she requested was this.

" Tell her to show a random act of kindness to someone and have a great day."

I myself have been in a coffee shop and purchased a cup of coffee for the person behind me. Sometimes I'll hand passes to an event to a family behind me in line when I have extras.

It makes me feel good to do this.

I wonder, if everyone started doing this how much nicer this world would be.

So, I ask you to try it. It does not have to cost you a lot of money. Imagine how nice someone feels when they receive a free cup of coffee, a free pass on the toll road. Who knows, you may be the lucky recipient one day.

Today, I wish you all a peaceful day full of kind thoughts and warm smiles.

You know the Honeymoon is over when ...

Remember the days when you and your signifigant other had to be apart for more than twenty four hours and you felt like half of your heart was torn out? Remember the mere thought of going through a few days without each other caused anxiety?

When I was first married, I recall conversations from those who had been married for many years talking about how they enjoyed when their spouse went off for a few hours or YIKES , days. I couldn't imagine wanting to spend long periods of time. The first time we had to spend three days apart I was lost.

Fast forward to reality...

He enjoys camping. Real out in the woods in a tent , on the lake camping. Me, I can camp at the finer hotels. When he and my daughter would go off on a camping weekend for three or four days I would be in heaven. The oldest sister would ask me how I could stay alone. What was she thinking. BLISS.. shear bliss.

I love golf. Mind you I have never swung a club but since he took it up a few years back, I went out and bought him a wonderful set of clubs because it allows me "Me" time. He has a golf date twice a week and I truly enjoy the few hours that he is gone.

Today, I dropped him off early this morning to catch a plane to Florida. Am I selfish for smiling like an idiot the minute he got out of the car?.. No. You see I've come to the conclusion. I love him dearly but enjoy our separate times as well.

Some days I think I want a man in my life, just not in my house.

ALCS Champs Celebrate in Style

These pics are courtesy of a friend... enjoy


http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=1613zckz.7uefw8j3&Uy=ytvvj5&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp?mode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

There should be an Island for all the moody people

This is in no way a male bashing post.. it just so happens that the men in my life are moody and negative. Sure, we all could easily slip into this depressing way of life. Every day there is something that goes on to piss me off but I choose to say "fuck it".

My father, whom I love dearly, is the first and most negative person I know. Talk about sucking the fun out of everything. He really baffles me. Here is a man who has beat cancer two times. The first time he was literally one week away from death. He should be grateful and thrilled that he beat the odds.

My sister (the dirty minded, nothing sacred, baby of this group) and I spend a lot of time together. Often we will plan a day to head off on a new adventure with our kids somewhere. When my father gets wind of this he feels obligated to come up with some reason it will suck. It's either the traffic, no where to park, too expensive, etc. Now, when we plan something, we purposely tell him, hoping to rile the negative from him. We figure we may as well have some fun.

So, they say you marry your father.. boy I should have listened. I never realized that spilling an item on the floor was suppose to bring out the George Carlin rant.. remember the seven words you can't say on tv? Well, my husbands got George beat by several four letter words. Even better when there are guests. Funny, it does not help the situation. It does not clean up the mess. Even my daughter will look at him and say " Dad, it's not the end of the world, it's a spill."

My father in law does not drive, he has double vision.. lucky him, he gets to see two of everything. On Sunday, he asked my husband to take him to a store for one item. Of course Sunday is football day. Men like to sit on the couch, unshowered and scratch themselves for the day. Mind you, I was up to my elbows in tomatoes making sauce for dinner. After his pissing and moaning about having to , god forbid, leave the house, I told him never mind, once I had dinner on the way I would take HIS father to the store. Half an hour later, Mr. Mope came to the kitchen and said "I'll take him. It better be one store."

My sister has always had the knack of attracting her share of a mixture of negative, selfish men. I guess those of us who don't sweat the small things are bound to be surrounded by those who need a thousand milligram tablet of Fukitol.

I figure my revenge will be to come back in my next life as a man. My husband shall return as a woman and he will then be my wife. I feel it will be the ultimate revenge. Until then, I think there should be an island created just for moody, negative people. Of course it would be crowded. Maybe that is good, it would give them one more thing to bitch about.

They Cowboy'd Up!!!

To a team that played hard and gave us an amazing season... be proud of yourselves.

You've kept me on the edge of my seat all season. I never doubted you guys and am proud to be part of Red Sox Nation.

Kevin Millar, you are a class act... love the "Cowboy Up" moral boosting speach you gave your team.. yes, I know you wear a new uniform but you'll always be an "idiot" at heart and I thank you for that.

On to the media who love to drum up negative shit on Manny....just because he does not grant interviews, you whine and create articles of lies. I don't care if he never speaks. The man shows up, plays the game, provides entertainment and in the end, produces. I'll take Manny being Manny every day because in the end he "brings it".

Youk, what can I say. For the past few years you have given 200% .. no better first baseman in the league.

I thank you all for a great season. It's a long winter without baseball.. we need to find a way to make it a 12 month sport.. or I need a 12 step program

Let's take the Rockies.. one pitch at a time

Wishes

A new blog has appeared and promises to inspire.
Check outhttp://wishuponyourstar.blogspot.com/

I think it will be a nice change to view various wishes from all over the world
and who knows, when you wish hard enough, believe strong enough, anything is possible

Taking a Mental Health Day

I take about one day a year for just me. I planned it for two weeks. I was going to catch up
on reading , maybe squeeze some writing in, then starting dinner a littler early. Yeah, Right!

I planned on Tuesday. My daughter was off from school and my sister informed me that she had also taken the day off. Before long, my husband said " why don't you meet me for lunch?" What was supposed to be a day of waking when I wanted, enjoying a pot of coffee, checking my favorite blogs and catching up on 150 page work for one writer, 15 chapters for another, writing an essay for the sister who is taking courses towards a degree, yet feels it fun to give me a week's notice to help, and maybe, just maybe getting to some of my own writing, soon turned into the following.

Daughter: Mom, I'm having my aunt come over first thing. She's bringing me a bagel for breakfast.

Sister: We could do some more packing at my house. I still have so many things still in boxes that I need to store. Then we can all meet for lunch with your husband.
Mind you, I am still driving around with much of her belongings in my car from my last trip to help her pack. Threatening to open the trunk and letting it all slide out only brings laughter from her..

Sister shows up at 10:30, daughter has breakfast. I get one cup of coffee.
Off we go, unpack boxes and repack into totes. I must say the day was interesting. My nephew and great nephew played outdoors while my daughter, my sister and myself did the unpacking/packing shuffle. There were a few humorous moments, like when I found six condoms , flavored Love Liquid and such packed in a box. I tossed them over to my sister and said " wonder if these have expired?"
My daughter just rolled her eyes.
My sister laughed because she inspired the "Nothing Sacred" post.

At 1:15 it was time to finish up and drop my great nephew off to my other sister and then meet my husband for lunch. After lunch I was going home to start dinner and do some baking. My sister decided she would bring over her "stuff" and bake with me. Don't get me wrong, it would be a stretch to say she is a baker.

Patty, when you read this, know that I love you.. but let's face it. I still laugh when I imagine your finished product.

I arrive home, it's 3:00. So much for a relaxing day off.
I started preparing dinner then went on to start my baking. Sister showed up with her ingredients, we fought for oven time and had a cocktail while we waited and laughed hard when hers were finished. She thought she would be creative and try making apple turnovers. She purchased Filo Pastry Sheets and proceeded to make unique shapes. Let's just say they did provide much needed laughter.

By the time I finished making dinner and cleaning up, it was 7:00 pm and I accomlished nothing I had planned.

Next year, when I take my one mental health day, I am telling no one and will check into a hotel for the day. Somehow, I know one of them will track me down.. I just know it

Today's Teens vs Us

Imagine being 13 and sitting down to breakfast with your parents, a sister, cousins and such. Seated together at a table in the restaurant, general conversation flows and everyone is chatting happily. Imagine now your teen daughter announcing " Mom, will you buy me a thong? I really hate having panty lines!!

Silence fills the table. All forks have been set down and eyes glare at my daughter and me.
I whisper "Not now dear, your father is sitting right here."

Now, my mother would have just given me a look , my father would have punished me for two reasons. One, you don't discuss underthings at the dinner table and two, daughters do not grow up.

From day one, I wanted for my child to have a voice, not be afraid to say what she feels, be open to many things.. I think ..*gulp* I've accomplished this.

Never Too Old

I wonder where this woman was when I was growing up.
At sixty seven years old, my mother is finally coming out of her supressed vixenous closet.

Attending a get together on Sunday (football widows need something to do) we talked about having an adult toy party. Mom asked "What's that?"

Baby sibbling " They sell toys for us. Vibrators and everything you can imagine."

At this point mother laughed with a bit of embarrassment. I suggested we hire a stripper to make the afternoon more entertaining. Mother's response "Yes then I will definately come. That I would like to see."

So tell me, where was this woman? Years ago at the mere mention of a male body, her response used to be " Oh, penises.. they are the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

There is hope. Even in her silver years, mother is finally able to laugh and enjoy sexual talk....Go MOM !!!

Nothing Sacred

Life is never dull around my dinner table when one or more of the sisters are present. Poor mother often shakes her head and then laughs , heartily.
Maybe shock is good for the lady. Father is another story. I believe if he could slither from his chair and crawl into a hole he has willed to open, he would.

We women are open to discussion of any topic. This often means nothing is sacred.

The youngest in the birthing order has a habit of crossing that fine line of proper. Imagine if you will, a Catholic woman who raised five daughters, sitting around the table with two of them. Conversation is mild and before too long, sex is brought up. We talk about it openly, much to her dismay, a bit graphic. Then, when I thought it was going well, my sister decided to ask mom

"have you ever given dad oral sex?"

Now, don't get me wrong, after spitting out my coffee, watching my mother for signs of a stroke and looking to make sure it was really my baby sister asking, I said "Wow". And if that wasn't enough, my sister looked at my mother and said " what, Ma, you never have?"

Mother recovered nicely and now I know, nothing is sacred.

The Stars Align to Bewilder

Much of my humor comes from my family. We are five girls strong and so different, one might question that we are of the same parents.

We have the following, in birth order from OLDest to youngest..

Miss Prudence slowly in her older years turning a bit vixen

Miss Numb, set me on fire, take everything from me and I won't complain (this one is really a gem)

Miss Dirty Minded Humor, will twist your words to make life fun, family therapist yet has no degree, problem solver

Miss Opinionated Defensive, I used to have a mind of my own until I got married.

Miss Doormat, kind, giving, naive, loving, will never learn when to pull back

Look for fun posts soon

Welcome to the randomly amusing

Sit down, put your feet up.. and breath. Random thoughts of amusement and confusion. Some will make you laugh (good) others will make you cry (sorry) Best of all.. I hope they make you laugh and say so glad it's not me